


To Catch a Thief

by theladyscribe



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Credit Union, Cat burglary, M/M, Meet-Cute, Pittsburgh Penguins, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 01:53:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11864193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theladyscribe/pseuds/theladyscribe
Summary: "Someone stole my underwear off the back porch," Sid says."Maybe you shouldn’t leave your underwear on the back porch," Marc points out.





	To Catch a Thief

**Author's Note:**

  * For [omelet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/omelet/gifts).



> This is a very silly story I anonymously wrote for ninjaomelet. Geno works at a credit union because reasons. Premise shamelessly stolen from [this news piece](http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-35859813). I tidied it up a little bit and decided to post it.

Sidney's lucky underwear is missing.

He did laundry yesterday, and left everything on the drying rack on his back porch, but when he went to take it in, the black and gold striped boxer-briefs weren't there. At first, he thought nothing of it. He probably dropped them on the laundry room floor or didn't get them out of the washer, but when he goes back to check, they're not in either place. He double-checks that he isn't wearing them. (He isn't.) He checks the laundry again.

He tries not to panic. Maybe he left them in his bedroom by accident?

They’re not there, either. He finally gives up the hunt, deciding they’re likely victim of a prank and he’ll find them hanging from the rafters in practice tomorrow.

Of course, they’re not hanging from the rafters.

That evening, he tears apart his house searching for them. He finds 80 cents in change, a comb, and a pair of scissors he’s been missing for six months, but no boxer-briefs.

He calls Marc.

"What did you do with my underwear?"

"Nice to talk to you, too, Sidney," Marc says, though there’s not the giggle in his voice that Sid expected.

"Someone stole my underwear off the back porch," Sid says.

"Maybe you shouldn’t leave your underwear on the back porch," Marc points out. He's definitely laughing at him now, but it's not the up-to-no-good laugh, it's the one where Sid has done something unintentionally funny. Marc is probably right, he shouldn't leave his clothes out on the porch, but Sid isn’t going to give him the satisfaction of telling him that.

"Never mind," he huffs. "I’ll figure it out."

He hangs up, contemplating what to do next.

He manages to let it go. Maybe he wore the underwear to the rink one day and it got caught in the laundry with their gear. If that happened, there’s no telling where they are, or if he even wants them back.

Enough time passes that he forgets about it, until other things start to go missing. Socks, mostly, but other pairs of underwear disappear too. Not often, but often enough to be noticeable. Sid starts to wonder if he has a stalker.

He’s lamenting the disappearance of his blue socks and reading the Sewickley Village paper when he sees a notice in the classifieds one morning.

"TO MAN MISSING UNDERWEAR" blares the headline. Sid blinks in surprise.

The notice explains that the writer's cat has been hoarding someone’s underwear and socks, and this has just been discovered. It offers compensation for the thievery and a promise that it will not happen again. There’s a phone number and instructions to "ask for Geno." Sid picks up the phone and dials.

"Sewickley Savings Credit Union, how can I help you?" says a pleasant voice.

Sidney sighs; this really probably is an elaborate prank by Marc and Duper. He follows through anyway. "Can I speak with Geno, please?"

"One moment," the young woman says. She buzzes Sid through to another line.

On the third ring, a voice answers, "Hello, this Geno, what I’m do for you?" That’s definitely not Marc or Duper or anyone else on the team.

"Um, hi," Sidney says. "Uh, I’m calling about your cat? I think it stole my underwear."

There’s a pause on the line and then Geno says, "Dixi best hunter, she’s bring back all kind of things, but I'm never believe she steal clothes from someone. I move into new house, start packing, you know, and I find stash of underwear and socks under my bed. It’s not mine, these boxer-briefs not my size, and I remember if a boyfriend leave all his stuff when we break up, you know?"

Sidney isn’t sure this Geno guy has stopped for breath.

"I give you address, you come get, da?"

"Sure," Sid says and scrambles to write down the address.

Geno’s house is actually around the corner from Sid’s, so they agree to meet after he gets off work on Tuesday, when Sid is off too.

It’s a pleasant October evening, so Sid walks, figuring it’s just as quick as driving anyway. He knocks on the door and is greeted by a tall man holding a cat. The man immediately swears colorfully and almost slams the door in Sid's face.

"Geno?" Sid asks tentatively.

"You don't tell me Dixi steals underwear from _Sidney Crosby_ ," Geno says. They’re both blushing now.

"Surprise?" he says weakly, trying to look at Geno’s cat instead of at the way Geno’s flush clearly continues under his collar.

"My cat is worst," Geno says, though it’s hard to believe since he’s saying it tenderly into said cat’s fur.

"Mrr," says the cat, jumping out of his arms and prancing down the hallway.

"Um. My things?" Sid queries, not sure what the etiquette is in this situation.

"Yes," says Geno, "follow me."

He takes Sidney into a living room, where an array of underwear and socks have been laid out. There’s Sid's blue socks, and the pumpkin socks Estelle picked out for him last Halloween, and his penguin boxer-briefs, and there, toward the top of the display, are his black and gold lucky boxer-briefs.

"Oh thank God," Sidney mutters, though not quietly enough, since Geno laughs loudly.

"It’s big pile, yes? Dixi pick best things, I think." Sid glances at him. Geno has a smile on his face, like maybe this _has_ been a great prank, though one pulled by a cat.

"Yeah," Sidney says. He’s staring at Geno’s dimples, and he really needs to stop. "I’ll, uh – do you have a bag that I could put these in?"

Geno gets him a couple of giant eagle bags. "It’s all fit?" he asks as Sid stuffs his socks and underwear into them.

"Think so," Sid says, carefully laying his black and gold briefs on top. "Hey, um, thanks, for posting your notice. I’m glad to have the mystery solved."

Geno smiles again. "It’s no problem. You keep number, in case she do again. We just move a couple blocks to new house, so she might still do."

Sid nods seriously. He’ll save Geno’s number to his phone when he gets home. Just in case. "I’ll call you if there are any problems."

"You call even if no problems," Geno says and then looks like he wants to swallow his tongue.

Sid can feel his face flushing again, but he manages to say, "I think I can do that," before nodding once and saying goodbye. He contemplates the proper amount of time to wait before calling the entire walk home.


End file.
